Wednesday, August 13, 2008
His grace, the Kingdom of Heaven
7:22 pm
Does Jesus understand my fear and shame? Does Jesus remember me in my sorrow?
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
12 I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier,
because he exposed himself to death.
He was counted among the rebels.
He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels.
Isaiah 53: 3-7, 12
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The nature of grace
Rings of fire. We know them well. Whispers of unbelief. Noise in our heads. Clutter in our souls. The choices of the prodigal. The world tries to cut in and distance us from the arms of God. Surrounded by fires of our choices, we are helpless. We will surely burn if left to our own devices. We cannot save ourselves.
Grace is the hand of God that reaches into the fire and rescues us from above. Grace is the forgiveness and mercy that have come to us because we belong to Jesus. Grace keeps asking us to dance. Grace is the reason that a woman like me can hold up my head and return to the Father.
Grace is having been the prodigal who is coming home empty-handed, surprised to find that God runs, scoops you up into His arms, looks into your eyes and still calls you beautiful.
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I don't think i really know what it means to run after something as if your whole life depends on it. When i think about it, I'm not sure i know a things about passionate pursuit-I work hard and try to stay focused in the same direction, but passionate pursuit, have i ever been there? Maybe more important, have i been called to a life of desperate passion and missed it? Settled for mediocre passion instead?
So many of us nod our heads in agreement: we want God. We believe the truths of the scripture and the claims of Christ, but we cant seem to find the passionate life with Him. We have settled for mediocre. I say to myself, "I believe that God calls me beautiful. I know that He sees me and He wants me to live for Him. But i'm not sure how to fully get there. I want to, really. I want to know intimacy with God in the depths of my soul. I dont want to pretend the romance or read about it anymore. I want to live it. I want to know that kind of strength and live from confidence. Just tell me how."
I have come home from church filled with fresh words from God and yet believing that i must have disappointed Him miserably. I have beaten myself up over my lack of discipline. I have felt my own pretending at times and it made me sick, knowing that inside there was a frantic little girl, lost and trying to find her way home.
What is maturity in Christ? It's not about the years you've known Him, nor remembering the many verses of the bible that's for sure. In fact, i have found out that maturity in Christ has more to do with understanding the depths of God's grace and forgiveness. Maturity in Christ is about consistent pursuit in sprite of the attacks and setbacks. Maturity in Christ is not about finally attaining some level of pseudo-perfection. It is about remaining in the arms of God. Abiding and staying, even in my weakness, even in my failure.
They say that you dont know how dry you are, until you meet somebody who is wet. Same applies for the spiritual life. Look at the different versions of Matthew 5:3. Their meanings are slightly different, but they do mean the same thing.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (NIV)
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." (The Message)"
"Blessed are those who are spiritually needy. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them." (NIRV)
The Kingdom of heaven is where we find grace and mercy, where hearts get mended and bodies get healed. My heart longs for the peace and stillness of heaven being near. That place, in the arms of God, the presence of God, His nearness to us, the kingdom is a blessing that comes to the poor in spirit.
I've decided to give priority to the pursuit.It doesnt mean that i am super spiritual or anywhere close to arriving. It just means that I am choosing not to run away from God even in the shame of my sin. I am crying into His shoulder instead of numbing the pain of my life. It means that I will keep coming back to prayer even when i cannot see one answer. Keep reading the words in the Bible until the Holy Spirit shows up and gives me understanding. Keep hanging around other believers even when they have disappointed and caused pain. (Because relationships are precious) Keep repenting even if I am tired of repenting. Keep singing the praise of worship even when my heart seems to be dying.
Remaining desperate.
Remembering that i cannot do it on my own.
I am utterly starving to death and finding my own doom without God.
