Regarding my last post, God did gave me an answer. It's something i've always heard, always said, always knew. But we all forget about God's promises now and then when hardships and worries come.
I've been very stressed lately, cos of coming exams. It has always been a constant torment during each exam period, that i would have a panic attack. Fear of failing exams overwhelms me and i go into a panic attack. Meaning, i worry and worry and do nothing because i was afraid that if i start studying, i wont be able to remember everything i study. Silly, i know. Doesnt make sense really. It's called irrational thinking. This fear caused me to pon my exam paper once. Because i was afraid of failing the paper.
Anyway, i went into panic attack on thursday and friday. I simply played computer games and watched movies and videos. Just so to occupy my time because i wanted to run away from all the information i had to memorize. I tried study a few times but i ended up more frustrated and overwhelmed. I couldnt sleep either. Finally i decided to talk to a close friend. And it helped alot really. I also found out the source of my fear. It seems that the fear came from the fact that i had always failed my exams in secondary school. Now that i've been doing well in polytechnic, i have become so afraid of failing like i used to.
Anyway, after ending the conversation. I felt God wanting me to watch the movie "Facing the Giants" again. Boy am i glad someone uploaded the whole movie in youtube. i watched till about 5am. Suddenly i realized that i've been so blind, so stupid, so forgetful. What a fool. Have i really forgotten that God is the God of the impossible? How could i not remember how faithful my God is? Have i really forgotten that all things belongs to Him alone? How can i not put my trust in Him after all that He has done? He said:
Trust in Me and see if I will not bless you and give you the desires of your heart. Do Not worry. It is not too late to start. You wouldnt know what might happen unless you start. I will trust in Him because of His faithfulness and love. For i can do nothing without Him... Even if all things fail and go wrong, i will still love Him and trust Him...Today's sermon by Sis Wan Ping was on prayer. I dont remember anything about the sermon although i've written notes, except this: Why do you still pray for something to happen if God's will's gonna happen anyway?
Or she said something like that, i cant remember. But it struck me and the Holy Spirit started to stir things inside me again. I wrote em down:
If you cant read my handwriting, this is what it says: Nothing is impossible with God. It is never too late to start. You've not failed until you do not try. Trust and see that God is the God of the impossible.
Finally, at the altar call, Sis WP had a specific clear message from God to me. It is: For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Trust in Me and see. Trust in Me.
Lord i know now that You really mean what You've been telling me all these while. I'm sorry i was hesitant. I'm sorry i didnt trust in You...help me to trust in You O Lord. I will trust in You O God. Everything is in Your hands. Whatever plans You have for me, i accept. I will do my best in what i can and stop worrying and chasing after my own plans. I shall start studying now and care not about the future results. Lord, please take away my fear and the burden in my heart. In Jesus Name i ask and pray. Amen.
Completely by Ana Laura (Facing the Giants soundtrack)
The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do
In all that I say
Right here in this moment
The power of prayer is in a humble cry
The power of change is in giving my life
And laying it down
Down at your feet
Right here in this moment
(Chorus)
Take my heart
Take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all that is within me lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone
Completely
This journey of life is a search for truth
This journey of faith is following you
Every step of the way
Through the joy and the pain
Right here in this moment
